In a woirld where technology rules, JOHN HARRIS suggests a few rules to keep the computers in line.

The funniest story I heard last week was on the ABC Radio’s Matt’n’Dave show.

During a segment about troublesome mobile call tones, a gentleman called to confess that his phone had gone off as he was about to receive communion from his parish priest.

“Message from the dark side, there is,” burbled Yoda, the gnomish Jedi knight from Star Wars.

Just as well the priest wasn’t halfway through a mouthful of holy wine.

The intrusion of technology into the Holy Eucharist is just an extreme example of how much computers and their mobile derivatives have inculcated themselves into our lives.

In many cases, we become slaves to the devices we carry rather than making them work for us.

For example, several months ago, I was sitting in church when a mobile phone went off.

Relieved that the piercing sound wasn’t coming from my iPhone, I saw the culprit grab the phone from his pocket, answer it and then stride out of the service to take the call.

After I finished clucking, I recalled that I’d done the same thing a couple of years back to answer what I regarded as an important call.

So, given that I’m a sinner as bad as the rest, I sought out the 10 commandments of technology etiquette (and resisted the temptation to start each one with “Thou”):

1. Don’t answer your mobile phone in a social setting (yes, that includes church), unless the call is of life-threatening urgency
2. If your mobile rings in the middle of a conversation, look the other person in the eye and ask yourself how much you value that relationship before answering your phone
3. Keep your voice down when you’re talking on your mobile in a public place: Recognise that your life is not of particular interest to passersby (unless you’re having a fight)
4. Don’t forward emails to everyone in your address book just because they tell you to (e.g. to somehow support some kid with cancer): Check the web for hoax emails first
5. Keep your emails concise: Cutting and pasting vast amounts of text into an email is wasting someone else’s time
6. Think before you click a hyperlink: Too many of them lead to crud-filled websites that can infect your PC
7. Likewise, think twice before you press Reply All on an email that has been cc’ed to a bunch of people: Ask if they really need that email in their inbox
8. On Facebook, make sure only your friends are “friends”: Letting strangers read all your personal ranting is really letting down your defences
9. Ask yourself “why?” before you hit the print button: Remember, we need all the trees we can keep to stop the planet cooking
10. Keep anti-virus software up to date: There are some things that friends don’t share.

John Harris is managing director of Impress Media Australia. If you think he has forgotten any commandments, put him straight by emailing jharris@impress.com.au

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